why am i so [uptight] today

[Nathaniel Phillip Evans]

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DO I HIDE MY PRIDE FROM THESE BAD DREAMS
GIVE IN TO SAD THOUGHTS THAT ARE MADDENING, I SIT HERE AND TRY TO STAND IT
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THERE HAD TO BE A better way of coping with the kind of pain Nate had been feeling lately than trying to drown in alcohol. He was sure there was one, even if he couldn't think of it most days. He tried to remember what he'd used to do when he was in pain but he was coming up blank. The fact of the matter is, he hadn't been this out of sorts since his mother had died and at the age of twelve, you just coped. You didn't need a strategy. You were a kid and you were resilient and life just went on. For some reason, adults didn't seem to have that bounce back quality. Well, not all adults. Certainly not Nate. Maybe it was because he'd never really come across negative emotions in his life, maybe he wasn't built to handle anything this heavy. Whatever the reason was, Nate simply couldn't pick up every morning and act like nothing was wrong until the lie became the truth. Everytime he tried to move forward, it was like there was a wall there blocking him from the future.

IT OCCURRED TO HIM ON a fairly regular basis that he'd have an easier time moving forward if he had something to occupy his time. Something like a job or like school. When he'd come home for the wedding, he didn't really see the point in sharing the fact that he was home for more than just a few days. It had just never really seemed like the time to let the news about med school out. The only people he really cared to tell was Rachel, Jean, and Jesse but everyone was so occupied with the wedding that he just kept it to himself. The only person who knew about it was his father and that conversation hadn't gone well at all. He knew he should put some energy into getting a job or going back to school. Something. But every time the thought occurred to him, something was in the way. The same something. The idea that if he gave in and went job hunting, not only would he have to own up to Rachel about what was going on - he'd have to own up to everyone. Himself included. And he wasn't ready for that yet.

SO WHAT HE FOUND HE was left with was alcohol. And anger. This wouldn't be the first night his friend Jack was the one standing by him and his anger. A few days before the wedding he and Jack had picked a fight with some girl down at The Pound. He was sure he'd never hear the end of that from Rachel seeing as the girl was apparently a friend of hers? Or a friend of a friend? Well, it was someone Rachel didn't approve of him fighting with and that was reason enough for him to hear about it for a while. He was sure that if he went back to The Pound tonight to drown his thoughts, he'd end up in a similar predicament. Maybe worse, it would depend on the person. But he knew it wouldn't be good and he couldn't really afford to get banned from his current favorite place in town. So tonight he paid a visit to the liquor store and found himself a nice place to sit and drink. Why he chose a bench in the park was - well - irrelevant, really. It was getting dark and he was ready to start drinking. The bench was the first suitably quiet place he found and so it was the place he chose.

THE FACT THAT IT WAS more or less illegal to loiter and drink in the park was lost on Nate. He didn't plan on making too much of a scene, not unless he was provoked. And he didn't. He sat for what felt like hours, drinking and brooding. There were times when Nate was a loud and boisterous drunk but like everyone, it wasn't always that way. Not when he went into his buzz already pretty moody. Nights like these he got bitter and angry the more he drank. He sat there stewing in his thoughts, letting the pain and the frustration build up until he was more like a volcano than a person, just waiting for the right provocation to burst.

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STATUS: complete
TAGGED: big brother
OUTFIT: Click Here
LYRICS: By Myself by Linkin Park
CREDIT: influenced by Marv, coded by me

[Erik Gregory Evans]

FOR SOME REASON I CAN'T EXPLAIN
once you go there was never, never an honest world
BUT THAT WAS WHEN I RULED THE WORLD

There was something about working a graveyard shift that always put Erik in a foul mood. It wasn't as if he hated his job or what he was doing, he just liked being a waking, normal person. Working through the night meant that he had a completely different lifestyle as some of his friends and family. He went to bed as they got up and he didn't get a variety when it came to restuarants or fun. He was usually asleep when anything major happened. It wasn't the sort of life he wanted to led in the future, but at this point in time, he could battle through it. Hell, it was a lot more then the day shift, and he always seemed to get more then enough hours. Plus, in such a small down like Walten, whatever action, police wise usually came in the dark. The daylight disturbances were usually due to some sort of disput over gas prices or someones tree hanging into the other person's yard. Sort of cliche, but what do you expect in Walten? Sitting in his patrol car, Erik contemplated all of this and much more. He knew his future was at Walten's police cheif desk, and he knew that he would get there, eventually but there was something that just bothered him and it had for many days now. It was the fact that his only sister had gotten married.

Now it wasn't a secret that Rachel and Erik had their disputes and their arguments and he was sure not part of the fantastic four, but he was twenty eight and that was almost thirty, yet his younger sister had gone and married her sweetheart and was going to have a baby, now that just blew his mind a little bit. His family wasn't the most conventional one in walten, but there was just something off putting about the whole marriage. Mostly it had to do with Erik realizing that he was old and he would probably get what he wanted when it came to his job, but what about something more then that? What about fun and adventure and someone to love? Was there any of that in his future, and if so, why wasn't it here already?

The whole Evans clan got together for the wedding and he had to admit, he felt like jumping for joy. Even though he found it odd, he did rejoice in Rachel's pick and how she had gotten what she wanted and how it was perfect for her. He envied her and on some level he envied Nate. Now, Nate and him, that was a tough one to nail town. They were just seperated, and it was often the younger siblings verse the older ones and that made Nate and himself a bit alientated, but he had to admit, he admired Nate for going away for college and actually getting something for himself. The one thing that he had noticed, be it cop instinct or not, was the fact that Nathaniel wasn't going back. Of course he had come here for the wedding, but what was he doing staying?

Parking the car, he got out and decided he needed a little fresh air and night sky to get his mind off his family and on his job, surprising him was the fact that they were about to collide. He walked across the park and there, sitting on a bench was none other then Nathaniel Phillip himself. Now, if Erik remembered correctly, he was quite the ladies man, but from this perspective, Nate looking nothing more then a drunk, and that bothered Erik on more levels then he wanted to count. Walking up to the bench, he eyed the man and finally spoke. "Nate? What the hell are you doing out here?" It was a logical question and one that not only a brother but a cop would ask, and Erik was always a cop.

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TAG; o brother where art thou!
WORD COUNT; seven hundred and ninety eight
OUTFIT; outfit
NOTES; notes
LYRICS; Coldplay - Viva La Vida
CREDIT; Line @ caution 2.0